How to Develop an Attractive Personality and Make People Love You

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I’ve found something FASCINATING about people and human relations...

We often say and do things that bore and irritate the people in our lives WITHOUT even realizing it.

But it’s not our fault, really.

I mean, most people aren’t going to TELL US what we’re doing “wrong”.

So how do we learn WHAT mistakes we’re currently making, so we can CORRECT them thus and improve our relationships?

That’s where I come in.

I want to tell you about the top 30 mistakes people make in their conversations that secretly bores, annoys, and sometimes even angers the people we talk to.

Here we go...

MISTAKE #1:
Whining and Complaining

Why do we unload our problems on other people and practically FORCE them to listen to our complaints?

What we want is sympathy and understanding, isn’t it?

But do we even get that?

You’ve probably already discovered that when you complain to people, most of them just politely nod and listen, and punctuate the conversation by saying, “Oh, that’s so sad” or “I feel so bad for you”.

But what they’re REALLY thinking is a different matter...

“You think your problems are so bad, huh? Well, guess what – I have problems too. We all have problems. Get used to it! What makes you think your problems are so much more important or worse than others? Do I really have to sit here and listen to you bitch and complain? You’re such a victim! Take some responsibility for your life.”

Of course, they’re never going to tell you that. But that’s likely what’s really running through their heads when you complain at them endlessly.

So stop whining and complaining about your trivial problems.

It won’t solve them!

MISTAKE #2:
Starting Arguments Over Opinions

When you discover someone has an opposing viewpoint than you own, do you ever use this as your OPPORTUNITY to argue with them?

But what do you hope to GET out of the situation?

I bet you just feel the urge to prove the other person wrong to satisfy your need to be right.

But why?

Is it stubbornness, egotism, and vanity motivating this kind of behavior?

And furthermore, what kind of results does arguing with people over a mere difference of opinions produce?

Here’s how people REALLY respond to people getting into arguments with them:

“You’ve turned yourself into my adversary, and now I feel the need to defend myself and my position against you. I’m going to make it my goal to beat you by proving you’re wrong and that I am right. You’re my enemy in this situation.”

Most arguments grow into HEATED debates where emotions run HIGH. People then start holding the other person in contempt and looking on them with dislike and disdain.

But you don’t want that, do you?

So avoid getting into arguments over differences of opinion.

It accomplishes NOTHING.

MISTAKE #3:
Rambling On About Boring Topics

When it’s your turn to speak in a conversation, do you ever pay attention to the length of time it takes you to say what you want?

Furthermore, do you ever ask yourself THIS very important question:

“Is this person INTERESTED in hearing about what I’m saying?”

If you’re taking more than 30 seconds to say what you want, you’re heading into the DANGER ZONE. Unless you’re an engaging speaker talking on a subject that’s IMPORTANT to the other person, you are going to quickly bore the person and outwear your welcome.

People hate to have others launch into rants on subjects they have absolutely NO interest in.

What they’re REALLY thinking is this:

“You are so dull and boring, you’re putting me to sleep. Do you really think I’m even interested in what you’re talking about? Has the question even crossed your mind, or are you really just that selfish to focus the conversation on what you want to talk about at my expense?”

Instead, of rambling, learn to GAUGE the other person’s interest. Bring up the topic and talk about for about 20 seconds. Then WATCH their body language and PAY attention to how they’re receiving your message.

If they seem uninterested and they DON’T ask questions about the topic, that’s a sure sign that they’re NOT interested in hearing about what you’re talking about.

Drop the subject and change the topic.

MISTAKE #4:
Giving Unsolicited Advice

When people dump their problems on you or you see they have a problem, do you ever respond by offering them advice?

It’s going the HELP them, isn’t it?

Well, guess what?

People HATE unsolicited advice.

When we give people advice they never asked for, we’re framing ourselves in the “superior” role to the other person, and they INTERPRET this as you being condescending and patronizing to them … a MAJOR turn-off.

Here’s what they REALLY think:

“So you think I’m incompetent, don’t you? I mean, I never asked you for your advice, and I find it off-putting that you’re meddling and sticking your nose in my affairs and treating me like I can’t take care of myself. You think you have all the answers, don’t you? Besides, who are you to give me advice? What accomplishments do you have to your credit that makes you qualified to speak on the subject?”

Resolve to NEVER give people advice without first getting their PERMISSION.

If they didn’t ask for it, or they didn’t make it clear they welcome it, DON’T do it.

They’ll just think YOU think they’re incompetent. No one likes that.

MISTAKE #5:
Trying to Make Converts

Most of us have had the experience of being introduced to some form of knowledge or practice that we found beneficial.

And how do some us act AFTER this happens?

We start preaching and promoting our new-found “magic bullet” to everyone we talk to. We start trying to persuade and make converts out of our friends and family.

Does it work?

Nope, it just GREATLY irritates and annoys them.

What they REALLY think is this:

“You have no respect for my opinions and beliefs. You think you’re right, but I think you’re wrong. And the more you try to sway me over to your way of thinking, the more resistant and defiant I’m going to become. Not to mention I’m going to generate resentment towards you for being so pushy!”

Accept people for what they CHOOSE to believe.

If you try to change them, you’re communicating that you REJECT them.

Don’t do that.

(More coming soon)